Before the Pain — January 2026 — Helper Mini Gallery in Helper, Utah

Artist Statement

Being a father has brought me some of the greatest joy of my life—and some of its deepest pain. Fatherhood expanded my consciousness. It reflected back my fears and shame, alongside my best qualities. This film is a window into many parts of myself, my grandmother’s bruja egg cleansing, my ritual and ancestral beliefs, and the cultural and generational pain and love we carry. It is a meditation on renewal.

Like many parents, I wanted to do better than my own parents did, to give my children what I once longed for. Then difficult seasons arrive, and the feeling of failure follows. How could this be, when the aim was love? Beneath it all lies an invisible world— the unconscious mind. Generations of shadow resting quietly on a parent’s shoulders. Growth asks for a shift in perspective, and it often hurts. As Joseph Campbell said, “Love is the burning point of life. And since all life is sorrowful, so is love. The deeper the love, the deeper the pain—the pain of being truly alive.”

I’ve grown tired of the trope, the bumbling, absent, head-in-the-clouds father. I want to bring into the light the fathers who choose presence. Not perfection—but humanity. Trying. Changing. Growing. Loving.

We often speak of “cycle breakers.” I like the phrase. When I find the places in myself that need tending, I ask: Who was I before this pain? What story am I telling myself? And how can I change it?